Should You Have A Combo Bachelor & Bachelorette Party?
“Should You Have A Combined Bachelor(ette) Party”
Sometimes it can feel like there are only two types of people in this world: Traditional and non-traditional.
I like to live more in the in-between, the gray area, and the mushy-gushy spots. When my husband and I were planning our bachelor & bachelorette parties, we hit a lot of walls. Tradition, in this case, is hyper-sexualized, alcohol guzzling, and full of secrets, and we weren’t into that. We wanted something that represented the two of us and all of our friends and would save us a couple bucks along the way. It can be hard to make this decision because, despite the many gains, there are also a few cons that go along with a combined bachelor(ette) party. Breaking the news to your friends can be intimidating, especially if they’ve been looking forward to the party. But never fear! These next few items will help you and your fiance(e) decide what’s best for everyone.
Tradition, in this case, is hyper-sexualized, alcohol guzzling, and full of secrets, and we weren’t into that.
What is it:
Bachelor and bachelorette parties typically consist of parading around the soon-to-be-wed at bars and strip clubs with their closest friends. Add in lots of booze, sashes, and penis straws and you’ve got a great time- if that’s what you like. The parties represent your last night as “single” people before it’s the “same penis forever” and a ball & chain. Fortunately, society has progressed quite a bit and we no longer see marriage as such a burden. Instead, we see it as the desired commitment, so there are many alternative celebration styles available now.
Why you might want to change:
You might want to do a different sort of celebration because you can’t afford to go out of your hometown and the thought of going to the same bar again makes you want to barf. Or maybe you don’t drink alcohol, so going to a bar or strip club was never appealing. Weddings are supposed to be a special moment after all, so maybe you want the party to be a bit more meaningful than just a night on the town with friends. All of these are valid reasons and easy to accommodate. You just have to put in a little extra time planning.
Cost:
Having a combined bachelor(ette) party can be more expensive than just a simple night out at a bar but will always leave you with more memories and fun. There are a few different ways to save costs including which activities you choose to do, how you split the costs, and what “props” you use. If your friends are willing, they could cover a small portion of their share for the stay. For mine and my husband’s party, we covered most of the costs for the activities and our bridal party helped cover their “room rental”.
We encouraged everyone to bring their significant others and were able to make it more of a rom-com weekend getaway.
For us, this was better than a raging party. After renting a large enough AIR BNB for everyone, we were able to keep the individual costs fairly low.
Obviously, it’s not a necessity to have a tiara, sash, penis straws, confetti, etc. In fact, most of these things are incredibly wasteful. Do you really need something used for a couple of funny photos and then tossed to the side? Not to mention the landfill!? NOT COOL. I highly recommend that for any wedding event you host (i.e. bachelor(ette) parties, wedding showers, bridal showers, rehearsals, etc.), you purchase and use props that you will also be using at your wedding and rehearsal. Not only does this save your miscellaneous costs for all the parties, but it also helps you slowly acquire the decorations for your big day. Buying $50 worth of decor every couple of months always seems much more affordable than dropping a couple thousand all at once.
Of course, if you’ve been dreaming of having these bachelorette gags then just ask around. Weddings tend to happen around the same time each year and somebody you know is bound to have a couple penis necklaces lying around. Be thrifty! You never know how the motto “reduce, reuse, recycle” is going to show up in your life! 🙂
Activities:
There are a myriad of random things to do in almost every little city. All it takes is a little Google searching, maybe a few Groupons, and an open mind. You’ll have a full schedule before you know it.
At our party, we did a group yoga session, swam at the beach, explored unique restaurants, went on a coffee date, tried an escape room, AND went on a hiking excursion. The beach ended up being a little more swampy than I had hoped for, but hey, you win some, you lose some. None of these activities were very expensive. And the best part? They still left enough “free space” for everyone to get something different out of it. I’ve never found parties where everyone had to do the same thing at the same time to be very fun because everyone is so unique, and we wanted to leave space for that.
I was also able to introduce some of my friends to new things that they wouldn’t have tried before like yoga and vegan food — and they were pleasantly surprised. Alternatively, if you want to save even more money, you can throw a camping party at a lake. Rent a boat (or don’t), and have everyone supply their own tents. Grill out, play some corn-hole, and hopefully, at least one of your friends will know how to play the guitar. You don’t have to travel far or spend a lot of money to make a party feel right for the two of you.
Some other activities we looked at but didn’t end up selecting were a vineyard tour and wine tasting, clay throwing class, bumper cars theme park, glass blowing, local poetry slams, and zip-lining. Use these ideas to make the best celebration you can!
Wedding party gets to know each other:
One of our main goals of the combined bachelor(ette) party was to help everyone get to know each other. My husband and I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri and moved to Bloomington, Indiana for college. By the time we were getting married, some of our friends had moved to completely different states (& countries). We wanted to ensure they wouldn’t all be meeting each other for the first time come wedding day. We chose a location halfway between Missouri and Indiana, making it fair for everyone and still allowing us to get to see something new.
There are many reasons you may or may not want to do a combined bachelor(ette) party. Or maybe you don’t even want to have one at all and that’s cool too! I firmly believe your wedding (and, therefore, the subsequent parties) should be representative of you and your future spouse. Don’t have a huge wedding because it’s what your mom always wanted if you kind of hate people and would rather not have the same small chit-chat with 40 randos you haven’t seen since you were 14 months old. Just DON’T. Don’t throw a rager at your local bar if you would much rather relax on the lake or explore a new city. You do you, and your friends will get on board with it, too.
Black Salt Photography is an elopement photographer and intimate wedding photographer based in Portland, Oregon. Photographing in the surrounding PNW areas and traveling often for destination love stories. Specializing in intimate candids and editorial portraits to craft a one-of-a-kind wedding day for every couple. Her moody photography style plays with natural light and shadow, laced with raw emotional moments, to create an authentic narrative experience. She photographs you as you so you’ll love your photos authentically.
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